Coping with Grief and Loss

Losing a son

It was very cold, almost frozen or perhaps frozen. When I touched it, it was hard as wood. I never ever imagined in the wildest of my dreams that I would experience anything like this.

I was in a state of shock outside the mortuary, where I went to pick up the “body” of my only child. I don’t know where I got those strengths from.

My son, who slept with me a couple of nights before, cuddled with me, was wrapped in white clothes, motionless.

I picked him up somehow to keep him in the Ambulance. Though he weighed 22 Kgs, it appeared that I was carrying the weight of the entire universe.

I think I was right! He was our universe. Departing from someone you love breaks you into pieces that can never ever be joined together.

Grief is real, but so is Love, and both are endless.

While you’re trying to cope with grief, there will be times when you’ll feel like giving up (I did, not just once, a few times), but it’s essential to understand how life functions and what role we have to play here.

1. Person dies, not the personality

It’s said in Hindu scriptures that Bhagwan se bada hai Bhagwan ka Naam. (God’s name is bigger than God itself). What is that one thing that differentiates a living person and a dead one? What is those things when gone; doctor addresses Mr./Miss/ Mrs./ Master Sharma as “body”? Whatever we call it soul, energy, rooh or anything else, this is immortal. Only the body dies. The cell may be the smallest unit of our body, but I feel memory is the basic unit of our mind, brain, or even our existence. When we make the memories with the lost person greater than the grief, it immortalizes the person.

2. Everyone has a purpose of living – Identify Yours!

There is nothing called “Coincidence”. Everything in life happens for a reason. In my case, I was a typical corporate guy working for materialistic gains. After losing Amogh, attempting suicide and bouncing back in life, I realized we were chosen. The kind of work that we (me and my wife) do today was never on a to-do list, and we’re able to transform human lives. The most significant work of all that we do is the prevention of suicide amongst youth. That could have never ever been my area of work had I not experienced this journey myself.

3. Seek Help

One more bitter truth of losing someone is most people who we depend on start distancing themselves for some unknown reason. That’s when we find ourselves even more alone. In this scenario, try connecting with people who had similar experiences or professional mental health experts.
The professionals out there can break across the clutter of your thoughts/ symptoms and give you clear cut directions on how to improve your life. Their advice and help can be considered invaluable.

4. You are needed.

One more thing that follows the loss of a loved one is the feeling of being unwanted; it is simply because we highly identified ourselves with that person. They were the reason for our happiness. But they leave us for some reason, and that we need to accept and move forward. Look backwards but move forward. You owe a sense of giving back in the name of the lost Love, and the departed soul would be happy to see you doing good for others. You’re needed here not only for yourself or the family but also for society and your country.

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